update.... okay, so i finally hung out with him! he's subsantially cool. I think he might be a little bit way too cool for me. haha. NAH! nobody could ever be THAT cool! haha, SiKE! so... yeah, he and his roommates and i all went to a movie together. It was really casual, so that was much appretiated. I didn't have to worry all that much about anything that you usual worry about when you first hang out with someone you have a crush on. The only bad thing is that i can't even look at him! oh my gosh, it gives me goosebumps! i kind of tried to have a conversation with him, where you actually look him in the eyes... but usually one person is kinda looking around when they are talking, or the listener is kinda glancing around too, so you don't really make all that much eye contact with them... so with him, every time his eyes bumped into mine, i couldn't even think about what he was saying, i would just look away with my stomach halfway up my lungs. man... it was nuts. what the hell is wrong with me. He wasn't the type of guy to make you uncomfortable either... but i still just couldn't look at him! his eyes are amazing! anyway, i talked to alfie today, :D which pretty much made my day. so i got to tell him all about my angel. He's totally jealous, i can tell. I think mostly because i told him how my angel goes to bard college, and he totally wanted to go there. Oh and by the way, i know it's kinda cheesy to refer to "him" as my angel all the time, but i'm kinda reluctant to use his real name too often in case he does a web search for his own name and this site pops up. that happened with ray once... HAAAAAAaahahahahahaha.... anyway, i don't think it would be quite as funny with this guy though since i barely know him. oh man, that would be so embarassing. .. not that it wouldn't make for a good laugh though. Anyway, my angel told me about this park he wanted to take me to, he said it's absolutely amazing. I really don't know how a park can be that amazing, but he really didn't look like he was faking. I guess this park really blew him away or something. that's kind of cute i think. I think it's kinda wierd how i'm talking about him so much on here, i almost feel guilty or something... also i feel like i'm 12... but then i act like i'm 12 anyway, so i guess it really doesn't matter. But really, is this kinda stalker-ish??? i mean, i don't really think so, cause i mean i'm not stalking him... but i'm talking about him pretty exclusively... i can't help it if i think a guy is cute and nice and cool and i want to talk about him... oh shut up! i know what you're thinking. (yes, i'm a loser, i already know). :P anyway... where was i, oh yeah... i definately thought a lot beforehand about whether my last name would come up, i was definately hoping it would, but it wasn't something i would want to bring up. I don't want to seem too eager to share our coincidences... (this is reminding me of i heart huckabees) anyway, so i thought about the driver's license thing... maybe try to see his, so that he will want to see mine, nah, too cliche... leave it out for someone to look at, nah too unlikely (and cheesy at best)... so i just left that issue to fate, and hoped that it would come up. Well my new found canadian friend helped me out with that one. It was funny cause max was in the kitchen and his canadian roommate came into the living room and asked me randomly what my last name was... so i kinda paused and in a very clear voice told him my last name. So then max called out, "wait, what is your last name" so i said it again louder... still in disbelief he asked "what?" so i said it again. and he was like, ha, woah, cool! my name is in your last name. And i kinda smiled and said, "oh really, haha, i hadn't noticed." haha, no, i didn't really say that. it would have been pretty funny if i did though, huh? really i just said, "haha, yeah i know" and then the other guy asked "so it's m**** b******s???" and max asked, oh wait is there a hyphen like m**** and then a little dash and then the b******s??? and i was like, "haha, uh, yeah." and he was like "ME TOO!" hmm... "oh haha, yeah duh moron, of course yours does too... i've been obsessing over it for the last week..." haha, then he was like "pound me up" (in case you're a moron "pounding someone up" is like when you hit fists, just thought i'd throw that way out there)

moving on... time for the problems... there really isn't much... but definately a major one... I DON'T THINK HE LIKES ME!!!!!!!!! which could be a very good thing in my case, cause it's probably the only reason why i still like him... but still... it's really hard to figure out. I mean i don't feel any vibes coming from him... so i'm thinking, okay, so maybe he's just being nice to me, and wouldn't mind being friends with me.. or... he's not completely brainless and understands that we are both moving on in like 2 weeks! duh! both of which are def okay. but I'm trying to pretend, the latter one is the answer. But still, even if you know you can't have something with someone... it's still kinda clear that you like them, but with him i couldn't tell (once again if i could tell i probably wouldn't still like him but because i don't know, it's driving me nuts). So i disected. First, why would he have waited around outside while i was getting food for the kids, WITH all of his equipment (that looked adequately heavy) so he could give me his phone number so we could hang out some time if he wasn't interested. And THEN when i told him to email it to me cause i didn't have any way of writing it down, he emailed it to me THAT night, as soon as he got home. which brings me to wonder, if maybe he WAS interested, as in past tense, and then we hung out. present. The end. But in THAT case, why then would he want to take me to that park. Which he not only talked about in the course of hanging out, but also brought it up again as i was leaving. ya know, the ol' "so yeah, so we can go to that park..." to tell you the truth i really can't quote how he put it, cause i really can't remember it all that much. All i know is that while i was leaving, i was kind of brushing him off, and he made a point to bring up the going to the park thing, like he def wanted to hang out with me again. About the brushing him off thing, it was mostly cause i was a little confused as to what this whole thing was, and i couldn't read him at ALL. but also, and probably more so, because i was so shy and nervous about the exit, and on top of that I still couldn't even look him in the eyes! which reminds me of how it was with ray... and that is definately not a good sign. That was probably the most retarded experience i have ever had. haha. no offense ray! :) but anyway, so maybe this guy is just really shy or something. I mean he's pretty outgoing and stuff, but maybe he's just kinda shy when it comes to the mushy stuff. Which is not good. cause that's way too much like me, and we all know that will go nowhere. okay, but back to whether he even likes me or not... i only had one cue... all night. I mean, it seemed like he was really careful to NOT seem like he liked me. I mean, he payed for his movie first and clearly said, "ONE ticket to..." and then he definately didn't open any doors for me or anything. but... i mean... i don't know, there was just one cue that made me think that he still could possibly like me... and that is this... it's really dumb, but here it is. We were sitting around talking about wedding crashers (the movie we had just seen)... and all the sudden he said something pretty retarded(i don't remember what now).. and we all kinda looked at him like, did you just say that? and then he was like... uh, sorry, that was pretty dumb... and i was kinda laughing, and i said, "uh yeah, that was pretty queer". (no offense to anyone) and then... he started cracking up... i have no idea why. But he was laughing a lot, and was like, oh man, did you just say that was queer? and i was like, "uh, hehe, yeah...??" and he was like, oh man, that was hilarious." (i really don't think he used the word hilarious, but close enough). so that's it. was that even the slightest bit funny??? no. Did anyone else even chuckle at that?? no. what the hell was he laughing at??? and that was my only cue. he laughed at a retarded jokish comment that wasnt' even funny. that and i said a quote from dave chapelle, and you could tell he thought that was pretty damn cool. i did the ol' "LOOK AT HIM! he LOVES it!" haha. it was great. haha. which really made me mad... cause i had really wanted to quote dave chappelle earlier in a much more opportune time... but i wasn't sure if any of them would get it, so i held my tongue. we were in the car and he was talking about how this cop gave him a parking ticket and then tipped him (in his tip jar... streat performer...) anyway, and he was telling the story about how it happened and what he said and everything. And i was about to stick in the ol' "I...didn't know i... couldn't do that" line. BUT I HELD BACK!!! idiot.. man, he would've loved that one. but oh well. i lost the chance. wow. i really feel sorry for anyone who actually reads this crap. well if anyone is reading it, i appologize, it is terrible. so i'll let you go back to your life now. haha, just kidding. sorry this entry is retarded. i decided i can't write anymore after i read the catcher in the rye. It all just comes out all stream-of-consciousness-like now. god how i love that book. anyway, good night.